[play]
its already two days now. two days and two nights, straight. i kept myself in my room. the door only opened for coffee or meals. only opened for less than five minutes, everytime. yes, i'm back on coffee. the rough brown curtain was pulled to the left, covering the six-foot glass windows. not even the shining ray of the day could peeped inside. neither the gleam of the blue moon. the only light that filled the room was from three flourescent white bulb. the outside world has been shut off.
[rewind]
"loneliness are only a state of mind, because you can't synchronise it with what you do physically." a friend used to told me this. in layman term, he meant that my mind was somewhere else and what i'm doing at that time was only as indemnification for my heart, to deceived the real feeling. the feeling of loneliness is a sign of confusion from the emotional part which i will feel it from my so-called heart. and that were the same line i told my other friend last week.
he asked me to drop by his room after dinner. which i did, after a very long chat with three ladies i met at the bookstore. the ladies was looking for something to read on self-help. naturally an amateur reader. sometimes i can tell, if someone into reading or not, just by hearing to the words that comes out from their mouth. so that i suggested them a few book that can feed their sudden interest. and i went on explaining the summary of each book's content, as if i am working in the bookstore. i think i should have opened a bookstore.
and for the trade, they offered me to have a dinner with them, which i don't hesitate. we went to bebek ginyo. i know the other bebek restaurant called bebek kaleyo, which according to my friend, a sunda dish, while the former is a java dish. its still bebek anyway. i tend to assumed that the only different was the sambal, ginyo is not as hot as kaleyo. so i continued entertaining their question on the subject. it was about hypnotist. not an easy task to reframed the old thinking of associating the hypnotist with superstitious mystical belief that has been installed since their childhood, especially in this part of region.
after paid the bills and gave them my sifu number for them to explore more, we went separate ways. i took a different with one of the lady, and the other two took the white taxi. the lady claimed we are on the same direction. fair-skin, redlicious lips, sweetened with a dimple in her right cheek. dina. that was her name. it gave me a chill when she asked for my phone number and said she might want to pay me a visit to learn more from me. it was not what she said that made me chilled, but because of the caress of her hand on my thigh while she saying it. i just smile, exchanged our phone number and got off the taxi. i can still saw her flirty smile while she waved at me when the taxi went out the gate of my kost. i'm not sure which one of us has been hypnotised.
then i went straight up to my friend room. i opened his small grey refrigerator and took a bottle of cold green tea, not my favourite but i can't found another drink to compliment my dry throat. it was heavy for him to blurt it out at first. then i told her about the ladies that i've just met. he smiled and said, "that is my problem." he went on explaning the extraordinary sexual drive that he had for the moment. he told me that he was not aroused at all time when he was with his wife compared when he was here. there was the time i said the line about the symptom of loneliness. his sexual desire was his body interpretation of his loneliness. the only thing that i don't discussed with him was i, myself, still dealing with the same state of mind.
[fast-forward]
it is raining outside. i can smell the rain. the aroma of the cold moist tears dripping on my window. marcell singing 'firasat' on my speaker, whimpering for someone to coming home soon. staring at google chat. it has been three months since the last time i saw venus was tagged in green. the last email i got from her was a very late 'birthday wish'. it was three weeks late. and venus was on grey ever since. i was not sure anymore. my cup of glass already emptied. i had gave away every single drop of it.
i pull the curtain, peep through the window, grain of rain dancing with the rhythmic melody of the wind. my blank mind playing along with the whirling tree. it has been raining since last night. suddenly my phone ringing. its dina. i lean back on my black sofa. diane lane's unfaithful is on tv. i feel as empty as my black cup. ahh.. i should get another coffee..
[pause]
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