[rewind]
last night was my longest sleep. giving myself to my empty bed before midnight. slipped under my cold blanket. i closed my eyes and smelt venus on my pillow. seven pound was on hbo, will smith speaking in bahasa indonesia. lame .big heavy rain lurked from the windows. i was not sure the cold was due to the air-cond sets at 18 degrees or caused by drip of the rain melting on my windows.
i was sleepless for two night before. supined. can't closed my eyes. stared at a blank wall with a blank mind. emptiness filled every space of my room. suffocated by the loneliness. maybe. i put on my pant, take a cup from the drawer and headed to the pantry for a cup of coffee. all the mirror along the way seems like applausing me in parody. through some of the door that i passed by, i heard sound of half-scream endured in heavy breath enjoying some kind of excitement blessed by the heavy rain.
it was raining almost every night now. few days ago, it was still terrible traffic jam at toll way of gatot subroto, both way, and it was already 1.30 in the morning. the next day i was busying my inefficient day listened to all the same boring story. caught in traffic jam. got home at 3am. spa, cinema and all the night life park was full until it closed. amazing how disaster could make a profit for some, and how lucky they were for not just having fun in the unmovable traffic. i also ended with no choice but to walked in the rain to reach my kost.
i stirred the black powder in my cup and took a sip. the aroma jiggled on my tounge, crossed my nose and filled my brain. the luxury that can only be relish by a coffee lover. headed back to my room, stared back on every mirror along the hall and told them to shut the fuck up. i got my coffee now. opened my door of boredom, turned the key to locked it and dashed myself on the red sofa beside the big glass window. the only sofa in the room. not so fluffy anymore but sufficient enough to accommodate my grumpy ass.
i pulled out one stick from the red box label as dunhill and light it on. took a puff and glazed my sight to the rain outside the windows, enjoyed the dancing water under the light. some of the drip knocked at the clear glass as it inviting me to join the wet party. took another sip of the coffee and another puff from the fiery white stick, hoping those can warm the coldness. open my laptop and play the soft playlist which used to accompanied me to sleep. faizal tahir was on the first queue. the music chased away the silence out from the room. looked at my 4 years old handphone, which was pink until i got no option but to change the cracked cover to the only available white casing. it was 4am.
light another cancer-agent white stick and leaned back. andra and the backbone was on the list, repeatedly sung 'nobody can replace you' from the cheap but good speaker that i bought from ambassador after one hour bargained to get Rph100,000 discount. finally i agreed with the sunda lady to accepted Rph 20,000 discount but she had to gave me a cute little red mouse as a gift. that was the beginning of me using a mouse instead of using the irritating touchpad.
the rain had stopped. from far i heard the azan. i opened the window, inviting the fresh after-rain air rushed into my room. i took a bath, continued my morning ritual, changed into my white tracks bottom and black shirt, put a cap on and went out for a morning walk. half-aged couple passed me. i greeted them and kept on followed my foot to persued nothing. walked in a circle, got back for another bath and catched a taxi for office and continued doing 'i dont know what', just to passed the day. and that happened for two straight days.
but today, it was 12.00 at noon when i checked on the time on my white handphone. i got another useless music express nokia handphone in my drawer. bought it from a gay that just got another new brand music express nokia phone given as a gift from his jealous lover. he was one of my client that came to me for therapy. i got his problem with his lover solved and he got another new lover. good for him. and shit on me of the handphone he sold to me at Rph 1,000,000. i barely used the handphone for a months before it begun to annoyed me with the problem of the battery, card and keypad. i sent it for repair, changed something inside it and new battery, and then dead after a week, left me to rest in stress.
i checked my handphone and there was no missed call nor a message. strange as i usually got few morning call and handfull of sms. got my coffee in place, light a cigarette and turned on my laptop. dammit. some dns problem. outside the window looked like it going to be another rain coming. turned on the tv, OMG, its a re-run of will smith speaking bahasa indonesia while planning to kill himself. i should have kill myself watching it. went on to bathroom, looked at the mirror and ask myself, "should i go to the office today?".
last night, i was having a dinner in my friend's room. he insisted. i was just coming back from the spa with my other friend whom lived in this same kost. he brought two pack of grilled african lamb. tasted like a shish kebab in tehran. i saw something fishy. a pair of high heel on his shoe's shelf, a pair of tootbrush and a small box of makeup stuff with ponds label on it. i opened his cupboard when i got out from the washroom to clean my hands. as i thought, some lady clothed which not matched to his big size body. i looked at him and he looked back with a smile. "naughty boy", i said to myself. another devil in progress. no wonder he kept on giving excuses to us when we planned to went out.
so last night, we went on talking about woman. until my other friend got a phone call said that a lady already infront of the kost wanted to see him. he told her to dropped in to the room first cause he wanted to finish the coffee. she came in. chinese looking. thin and tall. small breast. dressed in a short blue denim skirt. she sat on the mattress and we chat for several minutes before she took off with my friend to his room. after finishing a pack of potato chip, i grabbed my cup and left the room to enjoy the loneliness in my very own room.
that was when i put down my head and smelt venus on my pillow. despite the coldness, i slipped down my pants and throw in to the sofa. move my body to a side and closed my eyes. i felt a hand of smooth skin hugged me from my back. skinny fingers running over my chest. a soft kisses on my back. felt the warmth of the lips that familiar to me. heavy rain and air-cond doesnt gave the chill anymore. i was drown in serenity. embracing the warm tranquility that i've been missing. took the soft skinny hand in palm of my hand. and slept with love whispering on my ear.
and here i am now, with my ass sinking on the red sofa. ari lasso and bcl singing a track of 'aku dan dirimu' on the speaker. the internet is back online. staring at the google chat. venus tag with grey. reading a one line emel. asking myself what in heaven was happening last night? emm.. the coffee already cold.
[pause]
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